According to dodgers.mlb.com, the Dodgers have signed IF Shea Hillenbrand to a Triple-A contract with Las Vegas. I know the first thought of a lot of people is going to be "but it's just a minor league contract".
Blah blah blah.
This man is a vile piece of human waste. I call him human because I'm in a good mood, too. The mere fact that the Dodgers want anything to do with this disgusting malcontent says volumes about what they must think of their current Major League offense. Being shut out three days in a row must do some wickedly awful things to one's head. Shea Hillenbrand? Are you fucking kidding me? Why not sign me instead. The guy is a career 97 OPS+ loser. The hardest hit ball he ever hit with the Angels ended up being chased back to the screen by an opposing catcher before falling back out of play.
No, wait...I take that back. He hit 3 home runs with the Angels. I think their combined distance in feet was about half of Bartolo Colon's weight in pounds. Good lord. There's just not enough space in here to ridicule this guy. Not enough words to describe him. What do the Dodgers possibly want with him? Has the slump of future star James Loney really been that difficult to weather for the front office?
Major League Baseball...I beg of you. Boycott Hillenbrand. Never offer this man another contract, ever again. Please.